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hosting "the doily show" america's greatest satirical lace centerpiece program. (laughter) he is eviscerating that lace work and that's a direct copy quote. our guest tonight is senator rand paul, he's going to be with us. (cheers and applause) he's also where we begin tonight. what has senator paul been up to? >> senator rand paul of kentucky heads to iowa. >> he has planned to visit south carolina and nevada. >> tomorrow he headlines a g.o.p. dinner new hampshire. >> i know rand paul, i think he'll run in 2016. >> what stands between the paul dynasty and 2016? >> well, i'll tell you the first thing that stands between them, three (bleep)ing years! (laughter) that's over 50 new iphones from now. (laughter) why are we talking about this election? that brings us to yet another installment of "can't you at least wait until jon stewart comes back?" (laughter) seriously! this is my last week doing this! it's not just that the media is already ramping up their 2016 coverage, it's this some of them are already trying to wind it down. >> i predict the hard right is going to take over
the egg and then rubbing it all over his face. (applause) look, america, america, look at me. our elections do not need to take as long as they currently do. there is another way. and the proof of that have is right under your feet-- through several layers across the mud, australia. >> prime minister kevin rudd has put an end to weeks of speculation, he's called an election for september 7. >> john: the whole election season is just one month long. four weeks! that's like only three new iphones from now! (laughter) you know what that means? we need to launch our full coverage of down-under-cision 2013. (laughter) (as an australian) that's not a campaign, this is a campaign! brought to you by koalas. koalas, like if teddy bears were alive and surprisingly aggressive. koalas. australia might have something to teach us when it comes to democracy starting with this: >> in australia, they have a compulsory voting system so everyone is required to register to vote and to turn out to vote and if they don't they're fined. >> that's right, it's illegal not to vote there. they spend a huge
. [ cheers and applause ] but we start tonight with a subject everybody loves: taxes. who in america doesn't grow up excitedly leaving a box of your old receipts at the foot of your bed on april 15 eve hoping that if you've been good an accountant from the north pole will show up on his magic sleigh and reward you with a surprisingly large invoice from the government? but did you know that our tax system is somehow not universally beloved? >> we need to overhaul our tax code. >> the tax code is broken. it's not fair. >> it is inefficient. our tax code is one of the worst in the world. >> simplify the tax code. we need to change our tax code. >> john: whoa, watch your mouth. you can't just talk to codes like that. they're very sensitive. this is exactly the kind of criticism that drove the morse code to suicide. for all of you morse code fans. yes, look, we all think the tax code needs pruning every now and again. that is why we do it, i imagine, every three to five years. >> our tax code hasn't been reformed since 1986. that's 27 years. >> wow. to put that in perspective, the tax reform ac
of justice announced today it is going after bank of america, doj says america's second largest bank lied about the riskiness of 850 million dollars in shares of home loans that were sold to investors. >> another big bank could be facing trouble from the federal government. >> jpmorgan chase reports that a preliminary justice department investigation found the bank did indeed break the law while selling residential mortgage bonds from 2005 to 2007. >> yes! accountability. (cheers and applause) >> we got them, baby! whooo! >> accountability. >> yes! yes, sure, justice has been a long time coming but that is just going to make it all the sweeter now. so let's start with bank of america. how many people are going to jail? and just for the sake of simplicity round it up to the nearest 100. >> this is a civil suit so no one is going to jail. (laughter) no one, really? that's-- now i'm to the going to be needing these celebration doves i was going to release. (laughter) we didn't drill holes in the box-- hold on, hold on, no, there's a note to. to whomever finds us. i think it was a suicide. th
and magical ♪ ♪ the happy train's on track ♪ because america is back ♪ yeah! ♪ woo hoo! come on! ♪ - wait, what? [all cheering] - ♪ america is back ♪ america is back - wait, according to that scale, i still have a small wiener! - ♪ america is back - i'm still [bleep] angry! - ♪ back and we're back and we're back ♪ ♪ we're so back, we're so back ♪ ♪ back back back back back ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [ cheers and applause ] >> john: welcome to the daily show. [ cheers and applause ] my name is john oliver. i am still sitting in for jon stewart who has been spending the entire summer at training camp with the new york giants. apparently he's extremely happy and in almost constant pain. our guest tonight tv legend and host of the new show crowd goes wild on fox 1 regis philbin is here. [ cheers and applause ] oh, yes, indeed. we start tonight with the news media. now, personally i get all my news from jon stewart and the daily show. which is why i have absolutel
that is the case for a higher wage. what is the case against. >> only in america can our politicians bemoan a livable wage for getting alot of folks would be grateful for any wage. >> people are not in poverty because they are making minimum wage. >> what we are talking about is rewarding mediocrity. >> the first step on the lad certificate not to be comfortable. you're not supposed to be hanging out there. so you double the salary, you turn that rung into a hammock. >> exactly. you remove the incentive. if you raise the minimum wage, people will never stop working in the fast-food industry. they'll get so comfortable in those hot kitchens and in their acrylic uniforms, relaxing in that grease fog selling like processed meat no matter how many showers they take. of course-- (cheers and applause) >> it's luxury. it's luxury. that's his point. kind of. of course he's also going to be business for the same stupid stuff on television industry. well, not some of an industry as a company. but when you think about it-- when you think about it, if you think abouting it, they actually work very much
in america over decades. >> yup, yup. >> hugely influential during his day, hugely wealthy, famous, popular. he was sort of the pt barnum character crossed with hugh hefner, traveled the world. >> that is a hell of a cross. >> i know. >> pt barnum crossed with hugh hefner that is an ungodly. >> okay. >> elmer fudd. >> oh my god. >> i can see it, yes. >> riply was inspiration for the original elmer fudd. >> that's how popular he was, how well-known he was. >> he was hugely, we now know him mainly as those odd like at tk city believe it or not museums but he was a cartoonist at a time when cartoonists kind of ran american newspapers. >> yeah, yachlt it's interesting to track his story. and this is what i love about it, this rags to riches story, sow starts out as this poor buck toothed, stuttering, awkward misfit of a kid but finding something he is good at which is car took. he transfers that into believe it or not concept and little by little that grows. then becomes more popular. but he toiled in obscurity for a long time until he hit the big time in the 1930s. and that's when he took off
oliver. i am still in for jon stewart who is scourge competing to be america's next top model. oh, no, they voted him out! they voted him-- don't listen to them, jon. you're beautiful on the inside! and there is no shame being more catalog than editorial. that's a fact. my guest tonight the writer, director, and staffer a very funny new movie "in a world" lake bell will be here. very good, very good. but we begin tonight with breaking news. >> the big chill between the u.s. and russia may be heading for the deep freeze. president obama has officially canceled his one-on-one meeting with vladimir putin. >> john: canceled? wow, that's a big diplomatic slap in the face, a dip move, if you will. ( laughter ) although if the president really wanted to hurt putin he would have said he was coming and just stood him up. trust me, that hurts a lot more. or if you wanted to be more passive aggressive the president could have said let's meet somewhere that's not technically in russia like, i don't know, moscow airport. ( cheers and applause ) look, we all know-- we all know why this meeting was
is going to be able to sell cricket to america. >> you never heard of gorgey thompson. >> john: i do. she knows you and i've been asking her about you. >> john: whoa! after the show we'll talk. john: she's fantastic. she was on the news for years. >> ten years. john: good luck selling cricket. >> do you play cricket. john: you know what? everything in britain is class based. so cricket is for posh people. >> really? john: that's not for the likes of me. i know i sound like it. >> what sport did you play as a kid growing up. >> john: soccer. religiously. >> it's a big deal. it's getting bigger and bigger in america. >> john: i want to be a soccer player more than anything else. this was very much plan-b. >> how in the world did this happen? you wanted to play soccer and here you are. >> john: it was a complete lack of physical ability. and that's all. >> you couldn't kick the ball. john: are you a frustrated athlete as well? >> i used to play in bronx park. john: play what? baseball. john: classic. a little football. yeah, sure. >> john: you're a yankee fan. yes, i am. (a few people in the
. [cheering] [yelling and screaming] >> and now, it's time to play america's favorite game, who made that dog look like that actor. who won that on family ties but then later retreated from society due to mental illness? now let's meet our contestants. good night, kids and go read a book. captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause). >> john: welcome! welcome to "the daily show." my name is john oliver. i am still here for jon stewart who is currently preparing his costume for next year's carnivale. he looks spectacular. (laughter) our guest tonight director of the documentary "the act of killing" joshua oppenheimer will be with us. magnificent film. (applause) we start tonight right here in new york city. >> stop and frisk is a controversial tactic used by police in big cities like new york, los angeles, and philadelphia. in new york, it's been policy for 11 years, defined like this: a person is temporarily detained on the street against his or her will for the purposes of questioning. >> john: that's right, stop and frisk, not just the title of a '90s ripoff of "turner and h
of the pot cast. i can no longer be friends with you, but i am proud of you. good night, america. hello, milan! [ applause ] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> welcome to the daily show, my name is john oliver. i'm still here, unfortunately, for jon stewart who is currently attempting to break the world record for smashing the most watermelons with his head in under two minutes. he's-- (laughter) es he's good. he spent the time well. my guest tonight author of a new book about the life of riply's believe if or not creator robert riply neal thompson is here. but before we left last week we discussed how ridiculous it was that the 2016 presidential election speculation had already begun. could it be hill roe clinton, probably. could it be chris christie, possibly. could it be rand paul, absolutely not. (laughter) >> that is not going to happen. but all this speculation launched our new segment can't you at least wait until jon stewart comes back. because as y
are america's last remaining boom industries, and as you saw from the second act, they're basically fused with weiner and this other guy. it's hard to overstate just how successful "deep throat" was for a movie. >> it made an unbelievable amount of money. i guess then came "debbie does dallas" and "beyond the green door." and poor linda lovelace never saw a penny. >> john: oh, what a surprise. >> i know. >> john: what a shock-- a woman in porn did not see lots of money on the backend. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> careful how you use the term "backend." >> john: i was halfway through that sentence thinking, "i know this end badly." >> has a different meaning in porn. but today, they-- i don't been backend, but they do-- they get highly paid. >> john: right. >> they make a nice living. >> john: the clever thing about this movie it's the same story told twice. you get the glammuous version of it for the first half of the film when it is funny, in which are you appear and the second half you get the reality of what you've just seen, which was appalling. >> horrible. >> john: because she suffe
of the most important stories we've ever covered ever. jason jones reports. >> america has always had an obsession with the wild west. but here in fresno, a modern day jesse james is tearing this once sleepy community apart. and this peaceful hamlet of family farms provided the perfect cover for a trafficking ring so big that the federal government hired a private security firm to bring it down. >> our objective was to investigate the product that was being processed at mr. horn's plant. >> our main base was either here at this corner or north of hi plant. >> we had six to eight agents from sunup to sundown. >> well, he called me a fat ass. >> seems a little dangerous. what kind of product are we talking about? coke? heroine? >> raisins. >> that's code for what? >> raisins. >> he's a raisin outlaw. ♪ ♪ >> this is raisin outlaw marvin horne who is actually accused of defrauding the government of dried fruit because he refused to contribute to the united states national raisin reserve-- which apparently is a real thing that the government uses to help regulate the cost of raisins. >
for your ice ballet. come on, come on, now. is there nothing else that led america to this. >> president obama is cancelling his meeting with russia's president putin over tensions becausest n.s.a. leaker edward snowden. >> john: yes, that is clearly the only reason. it's-- it's always a good idea to pad out with what you really want to say with self-righteous human rights stuff like, "kimberly, we need a break. i don't like your stance on chine and tibetan monks and your boobs are weirding me out." if we want snowden back all we need to do is convince vladimir putin that snowden is gay. that away wayhe'llob a plane into u.s. custody faster than a definitely not homoerotic team of elastic clad men. that quick. actually, russia is not only global leadership story we're dealing with tonight which brins us to our new segment... indeed. now, we've already dealt with russia, so let's see where our magical dploab will take us next egypt! egypt. i just lift egypt. i'm not-- i'm not used to guns. ( laughter ) as the situation in egypt continues to devolve, the u.s. like a polar bear on a hastily
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 57 (some duplicates have been removed)